


Figuring Ourselves Out

by gayundertones



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: 69, 69 (Sex Position), Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Cuban Lance (Voltron), Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/F, Fluff, Gay, Gay Keith (Voltron), Homophobia, Hunk & Lance (Voltron) Friendship, Hurt Keith (Voltron), Hurt Lance (Voltron), Internalized Homophobia, Keith (Voltron) Angst, Keith and Shiro are Adoptive Siblings, Keith/Lance (Voltron) Angst, Lance & Pidge | Katie Holt Friendship, Lance (Voltron) Angst, Langst, M/M, Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary Pidge | Katie Holt, Orphan Keith (Voltron), Pining Keith (Voltron), Rough Sex, Smut, Voltron, broganes, im kidding, kangst, klance, klangst, lance dies, sort of slow burn, vld
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-25
Updated: 2017-07-25
Packaged: 2018-12-06 15:13:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11603253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gayundertones/pseuds/gayundertones
Summary: Keith is a lonely, sad, and pessimistic 22 year-old who doesn't have hardly any friends and works at a small, yet busy, coffee shop.Lance is a happy, joyous, and optimistic 22 year-old who is very social and loves his two best friends.Although being complete opposites, watch the two males make their delightful, sad, overwhelming, and above all - beautiful journey to love and life.Inspiration: gibslythe, __bsen__Now on Wattpad (qexuao)





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> hello! im happy to be posting this on ao3 finally. please bear with me through the mistakes and short chapters, and keep in mind i lack a lot of motivation some times (im getting back on track, though!) also i will be starting school again in september, which isn't really that far. i want to focus on classes and get work done on time, so i may not upload chapters as much once september starts.

_-two years earlier-_

 

 _Keith let out_ a gentle sigh as his mind began to move once again, working to make his aching and sleeping body move, the raging sounds of the alarm clock ringing relentlessly to the left of him. He pushed himself up and a yawn fell from his mouth. He smacked the button labeled _'off'_ and a small groan left his mouth. He then reached over again and gripped his phone and took it in his hands. He pressed the thin, silver button on the side and grimaced as the bright screen blinded him. He took ahold of his phone and squinted as he swiped the brightness down and then checked his messages.

_5 new notifications from chat room, 'shiro help'_

_shiro!: Keith._

_shiro!: Keith, please._

_mousemom: shiro, what's wrong?_

_shiro!: I need to talk to Keith_

_shiro!: It's nothing bad, Allura, don't worry_

_keefqueef: shiro what do you need, it's 6:45 am. i just woke up_

_shiro!: It's 7:45 AM here. Anyway, did you get the package yet?_

_keefqueef: yeah, i haven't gone through the pictures yet tho_

_shiro!: OK! Let me know when you do!_

_keefqueef: yeah, ok._

_mousemom: i didn't want to be rude and interrupt. anyway, good morning keith!_

_keefqueef: thank u, allura. i have to get ready for work tho, so ill talk to u guys on my break or something._

_shiro!: Okay, have a good day!_

Keith hummed softly to himself and a smile lay on his face as he threw his legs over the side of the bed and walked over to the lone bathroom and flipped the idle light switch. He closed the door behind him and stretched as he began to rid himself of his clothes. Keith reached behind the dark blue curtain and turned the bath faucet on before pulling the small valve up, the water immediately pouring out of the head of the shower. Keith adjusted the cool temperature to a warmer one and felt goosebumps crawl across his skin as he waited for the water to turn warm against his skin.

Keith pulled the curtain aside and stepped in and quickly pulled the curtain back to its original stance, immediately beginning to warm up. He ran his hands through his thick locks as they began to weigh heavy on his shoulders. He squeezed the water out at the ends and reached for his shampoo and only lathered the roots to his hair. He massaged his head and let out a content but tired sigh. He then rinsed out the shampoo and poured conditioner into the palm of his hand and began to condition every single hair. He then, not washing out he conditioner yet, began to wash his body. He scrubbed his body with a generic soap bar and threw it onto the rack when he was finished. He then washed out the conditioner and then he turned the valve of the shower off.

Keith pulled the curtain to the side and reached out for his beige colored towel and stepped out of the bathtub. He patted down his face and then his torso, moving down to his legs and then his feet. He stumbled a bit and hurriedly gripped onto the counter to stable himself. He grumbled under his breath and brought the towel to his hair and rubbed vigorously. He then set the towel to the side to dry and he walked back to his room.

The small male pulled on a dark blue tee with a logo on the top right and some black jeans to accompany, and last but not least, put on his old converse, their soles wearing out and shoelaces growing thin. He stood in front of his small mirror atop his messy dresser and ran his hand through his hair before nodding, figuring he looked alright.

Keith glanced at the clock to his right and hurried out of his apartment and down the flights of stairs, as it was 7:46 AM. He jumped into the small vehicle and shoved the silver key into the ignition and turned it. The car revved once and then roared to life. Keith quickly backed out of his driveway and then turned, speeding down the road.

\---

Keith pulled into the back of the small coffee shop that lie in front of him, seemingly vacant. He turned the key in the ignition and then pulled it out. He unbuckled himself from the seat and pushed open the door and locked his car, shoving his keys in his back pocket.

Keith entered from the back entrance and turned and punched himself in, then he walked to the small room to the right where they'd have lunch. Inside, his few coworkers were in there also. He waved a small hello and strung his red jacket on the wall and shoved his phone and keys in there also.

Keith turned back towards the door and stepped out, the others doing so too. He began to open everything up, unlocking the registers and pulling up the small gate. Another coworker unlocked the front entrance and flipped the _'closed'_ sign to _'open'_. Not even 10 minutes later, people began to come in. It wasn't rapid, but it would soon turn rapid during lunch hour.

One of Keith's first customers was a rather tall, bone-y person that had blonde hair strewn in a mess atop their head. They had dark brown eyes and chapped lips, and they were quiet as they ordered their mocha. Keith forced out a smile and turned to tell the employee to make said drink. He turned back to find himself face to face with another person, a male, with tanned skin with a plain tee and a jacket over it and some baggy jeans, his hair also a brown mess atop his head. He flashed a toothy grin and merely yelled out his order.

"Hey, yes, I would like a caramel mocha, with extra whipped cream!" the man exclaimed and his bright blue eyes narrowed and an eyebrow went up, a smile also gracing his face. Keith bit his lip and furrowed his brows together; this dude was _seriously_ hot. But also kinda annoying. But _hot._ Keith blinked rapidly, "Ah, y-yeah, right away. Can I get your name?" Keith asked in a rushed sentence. The man smiled once more, "Yeah. My name is Lance!" _Lance_ laughed out exuberantly.

Keith found himself biting his lip again as he gave the order to the personnel behind him. He then took the next few orders, the man still on his mind as he did so. Soon his line became idle and he realized that Lance's mocha was about to be passed up to the counter. He swiftly took the drink from the person, and with adrenaline, rushed a quick few extra words and numbers onto the cup before handing the mocha back, offering an apology to the person afterwards.

' _Oh my fucking god, why did I do that? I just wrote my damn number on some strangers cup!'_ Keith thought to himself and found himself regretting the decision to write his number on the cup. He frowned and took the next costumer, not looking forward to what was to come later on.

\---

Keith made his way to his idle bathroom once more, having just got home from his last shift of the week. He stripped himself of his clothes and threw them into the clothes basket and grabbed a pair of sweatpants and another plain tee. Throwing those clothes on, he shuffled into his room and a loud yawn escaped passed his lips. He climbed into the medium bed and shimmied under the large comforter. He turned to the small lamp to the side of his bed and pulled the small string, making it flicker off.

Keith inhaled and exhaled softly as he tried to make himself comfortable, cuddling a pillow in front of him, as it made him feel safe. His eyelids fluttered closed and he snuggled into the pillow under his head, grip slightly loosening on the pillow in his hands.

Keith was suddenly startled back awake when a buzzing sound came from the nightstand next to his bed. Keith grumbled and closed his eyes once again.

Keith sat up when the buzzing continued again, not really having any tolerance. He reached over for his phone and, in a tight grip, pressed the silver button and winced slightly at the bright screen. He swiped his fingers across the screen and opened up his messaging app.

_3 notifications from PrinceLancelot_

_PrinceLancelot: yo_

_PrinceLancelot: it's lance from earlier_

_PrinceLancelot: u there mullet_

_keefqueef: what_

_keefqueef: oh lance_

_PrinceLancelot: u sound disappointed_

_keefqueef: im not, it's just, idk, kinda 11:37 pm and i don't get nearly enough sleep as it is_

_PrinceLancelot: i can go if u want im sorry_

_keefqueef: no no it's fine_

_keefqueef: anyway hi_

_PrinceLancelot: hey (;_

_keefqueef: ok, enough of that, and_

_keefqueef: wait did u call me mullet_

_PrinceLancelot: no_

_PrinceLancelot: maybe_

_keefqueef: i s2g lance_

_PrinceLancelot: you never told me your name_

_keefqueef: keith_

_PrinceLancelot: wait what the hell is your username??_

_keefqueef: we don't talk about that_

_PrinceLancelot: yea, ok_

_PrinceLancelot: u wanna go out to eat tom??_

_keefqueef: wait seriously_

_keefqueef: ive never been asked out b4_

_PrinceLancelot: don't u have any friends???_

_keefqueef: lmao_

_keefqueef: my brother that lives over 9 hours away from me_

_PrinceLancelot: that's sad_

_PrinceLancelot: well it looks like ill have to stir things up a bit (;_

_PrinceLancelot: ill see u tom at 6_

And with that, a beautiful (or rather _interesting)_ friendship blossomed.


	2. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i would like to apologize for the inevitable confusion with the chapter titles!! pretty new to ao3 so im not familiar with any of this.

_-present day-_

 

 _Keith's eyes opened_ wide as his phone buzzed next to him, a generic ring tone playing from the speaker of the small device. Keith glanced at the name and his heart accelerated in his chest; It was Lance. He hurriedly picked up his phone, his demeanor immediately changing back to his closed off, irritable one.

_"Hm? Lance?"_

_"Keith, buddy! I need 'ya to come over and help me move some things."_

_"Why me? Why not Hunk? Or Pidge?"_

_"Busy, I guess? They both were doing something. Can you come or not?"_

Keith sighed into the phone and became silent, as if weighing his options, although he was going no doubt. He liked Lance, a lot, and who didn't want to be around someone they liked a lot?

 _"Yeah, I suppose. I'll be over in ten,"_ and with that, Keith hung up. Actually, it was no doubt Keith liked Lance a lot. The thing was, Lance seemed to really be digging chicks rather than guys, let alone Keith. Keith had liked Lance for some time now, maybe a long time. He hid it with usually getting angry with Lance and competed against him. No one really knows of Keith being gay besides his adoptive brother, Shiro, and his friend, Allura.

Keith slid the phone into his pocket, standing from the slightly uncomfortable cushion and stretching his arms. He walked over to a small chair near the couch and grabbed his cropped, red coat and slipped it on. He made his way over to his door and walked out, locking it behind him. He made his way down the two flights of stairs of the old apartment building. He exited the grey building and made his way to his also older, red car and slipped into the drivers seat.

He slid the keys into the ignition and turned them, the engine sputtered and then immediately began to purr lowly. Keith pulled out of the parking space and began driving to Lance's.

Keith let out a small sigh and let his mind wander as he drove. He wish he wasn't so scared to tell Lance about his feelings. He wish he could just say it and then have it be over and done with; accept the shame and go about his day. Honestly, it was probably going to come out in a heated argument between them.

Keith wish he didn't feel this way about Lance, as it was obvious he was straight and he had zero chance of ever being with him, so why did his heart pound when he was around him? Why would he sometimes stay up, thinking of them, of _him_? Keith was already in deep shit, why didn't he stop digging?

Keith wanted to confide in someone, wanted to be held, wanted to be told it'll be alright, but what good is it when the person you're most closest to lives ten hours away? He couldn't blame Shiro, though, as Keith was the one to move away. Sure, he was friends with Hunk and Pidge, but he wasn't nearly as close as he was with Shiro- he probably would never be that close with them; his bond with Shiro, his brother, was far stronger.

Keith shook his head and had to loosen his grip on the steering wheel as he pulled into the driveway of Lance's small house, as his grip was subconsciously tightening. He let out a small sigh and parked his small red car, turning the keys in the ignition and pulling them out, then sliding out from his car.

Keith made his way to Lance's front door and his heart began to speed and he cursed himself under his breath. Keith jumped, as Lance had suddenly opened his door without warning and yelled Keith's name.

"Keith! Took you long enough! Come on, help me!" Lance exclaimed and grabbed ahold of Keith's wrist, pulling him in and closing the door behind them. He placed his hands on his hips and gestured around the actually seemingly big inside. "So, do you like it?" Keith raised a brow and shrugged, "Sure? You just recently moved in so I'm assuming you want to unpack?" despite Keith's calm demeanor, he was freaking out internally.

"Actually, I got everything unpacked. I'm just rearranging," Lance explained and gestured around his house once again. Keith narrowed his gaze. "You only just moved in and you're already moving things around?" Lance placed his hands on his hips and raised a brow, "You gotta problem, Mullet?" holy fuck, Lance's hips- they were fucking hot, and he didn't have his jacket on, so the rising shirt gave him a view of one of the exposed hips.

Keith raised his hands up in defense and raised his brows, "No, no. Let's just get this damn thing done so I can leave," Keith said and jabbed his thumb towards the door behind him. Lance rolled his eyes and laughed, yet didn't say anything. He began to walk towards his living room knowing Keith would follow him.

Keith inhaled and let out a long, deep sigh. This would take some time.

_-an hour later-_

 

"I'm sick of it, Keith!" Lance shouted, ears red with anger. He was standing across from Keith, whom also shared an angry look, hands balled into fists. "Lance, I've told you already; There is nothing-" Lance cut Keith off and took a step forward, "NO! It isn't 'nothing'! There's something wrong, Keith! You've always have an attitude with me and it's worsening!" Keith trembled slightly and huffed out a breath of air. "There is nothing different, nothing wrong-" Lance cut him off again, "Damnit, Keith! Obviously something is wrong! Have you ever stopped to think about how I feel? I just want to be your friend-" now this time, Keith cut Lance off, his voice doubling.

"FUCKING- LANCE, I am gay! And I'm in love with you, that's why! I can't fucking handle this, damnit!"

There was immediate silence, and tension began to grow at a quick pace. Keith's entire demeanor dropped when he realized what he had said and his eyes widened, trembling for an entirely different reason now. He sucked in a breath of air and subconsciously held it, waiting for a response, a movement- anything from Lance.

Lance only stood there, eyes darkened and his body still as ever and tense. His hands were unclenched and his gaze was on the ground, face unusually expressionless for someone who wears their heart on their sleeve.

Keith was about to say something, get lance's attention when two words, and two words only, fell from his mouth, something that Keith would never think to have shaken him as much as they did.

_"Leave, now."_

Keith stumbled backwards and narrowed his eyes, brows upturned. His heart was in Lance's hands, and he was tearing it apart, piece by piece.

"What?" Keith choked out, a sad and dark demeanor about him. Lance looked up at Keith with cold, dark eyes and uttered the words once more and pointed to the door. "Leave, now." Keith felt his heart begin to crumble deep into the depths of his stomach and he stumbled back more before sprinting out of Lance's house. He hurriedly jumped into his red car and shoved the keys into the ignition, turning it, and backing out as soon as he heard the familiar purr of the engine.

Keith grit his teeth as he sped down the road towards his apartment, anger and sadness bubbling inside of him. He took shaky breaths as he drove back, hands gripping the steering wheel so tight that his knuckles began to turn white. He was trembling and shaking with each second as he grew closer to his apartment. He couldn't believe it- couldn't fucking believe how Lance fucking shut him down, and like that!

What the hell, Lance wasn't homophobic, was he? Keith let out deep, shaky breaths as he drove on. If he wasn't, he didn't have to tell Keith to get out, just tell him he didn't feel the same. Keith felt a great emptiness in his chest, and he had to blink away tears that began to bubble and let out a mutilated grunt as he pushed away more tears that rose to the surface.

Keith pulled up to his apartment and quickly locked his car, sprinting inside of the tall building and up the two flights of stairs, his broken heart speeding along with him. He reached his faded door, heaving for air before unlocking and pushing inside to his apartment and slammed the door behind him, not even bothering to lock it, and stumbling to his bedroom.

Keith fell onto his bed and felt the hurt that was forgotten for a minute begin to rise, higher than what it was before, and curled into a ball, bringing his knees to his chest and finally, letting the hot tears stream down his face, trembling once more. He wrapped his arms around himself and let out soft, yet heavy, heart-wrenching sobs. He clenched his hands and shook terribly, eyes quickly turning blood shot and swollen.

Keith's chest was tight as he inhaled, gasped, for air shaking. He didn't realize something like rejection could hurt so much, but he had his damn hopes up once again. Keith shook his head and buried his head farther into his pillow, his breathing still heavy.

Exhaustion began to overwhelm Keith next and his sobs grew more quiet as his breathing became more calm. Keith pulled his covers over him and snuggled a pillow close to him, his once shaky breathing back to normal now, leveling out and his heart race slowing down as he soon fell into a deep, much needed sleep.


	3. Chapter 2

_Keith woke to_ the obnoxious screaming of his stupid alarm, slamming his hand down onto the silver clock, swearing when he hurt his hand. He sat up with a grunt and pressed the button labeled off and groggily rubbed his eyes. He was exhausted, despite having got a good 9 hours of sleep. He yawned and grabbed his phone, and frowned when he saw 7 message notifications.

Keith swiped to unlock his phone and opened his messaging app, surprised to see the messages from Hunk and Pidge instead of Shiro or Allura. Keith chewed his lip as he clicked on a chat that he was in with Hunk, as it had the most of the notifications.

_5 new notifications from Hunk:3_

_Hunk:3: Keith_

_Hunk:3: Keith pls_

_Hunk:3: There is something wrong with Lance_

_Hunk:3: He is looking at mine and Pidge's messages but not responding?_

_Hunk:3: Keith, what happened last night?_

Keith froze and stared at the messages; last night... Oh no, oh no, oh no. Keith felt his heart sink to his stomach again and he frowned more than he already was. He drug his hand over face and heaved a deep sigh, looking back at the screen and typing a short reply.

_keefqueef: idk. ask him when u see him today or smth_

Keith was not in the mood to talk about what happened, and he was pretty sure he wasn't going to talk about it at all for the rest of his time alive. Keith then scrolled to Pidge's messages below Hunk's and clicked on the chat.

_2 new notifications from pidgeon_

_pidgeon: hey keith_

_pidgeon: lmk when u can reply but something is up with lance and hunk and i are worried_

Keith's frown only increased as he read the messages and sighed once more and typed a quick reply, although he didn't even want to reply in the first place. He just wanted to get ready and head out so he could be distracted and not think about what happened between him and Lance.

_keefqueef: idk just ask lance later_

_keefqueef: sorry_

With that, Keith shut his phone off and set it on his nightstand and stretching his limbs, throwing his legs over the side of the bed. He stood on wobbly feet and made his way to the small bathroom, letting another small yawn leave his pale pink lips as he opened the wooden door and closed it behind him and flicking the switch on. The lights flickered some before fully turning on, making Keith wince slightly.

Keith looked at himself in the mirror and found he had dry tears on his face from last night, but they would've rubbed off while he was sleeping, right? Or had he cried while he was asleep? Keith cringed and shook his head. He just needed to shower and just get it over and done with. He grabbed a towel and set it on his bathroom counter, and began stripping himself of his clothes.

First, he pulled off his plain tee- wait, did he fall asleep in last night's clothes? Damnit. He threw it into the clothes bin and then shrugged off his jeans, also throwing them into the bin. Last but not least, he pulled off his boxer briefs and threw them into the bin next to the white counter and stretched once more, the cool air sending shivers up and down his very naked body.

Keith walked over to his shower, pulling the curtain ajar and reaching down to the knobs and turning them to a warm temp and took a tentative inside of the tub, closing the curtain after he got in. He inhaled and exhaled softly, running his hands through his hair, calming himself as the warm water beaded and ran down his body.

Keith reached down for the shampoo bottle and squirted some of the lilac scented shampoo onto his fingers and began massaging his scalp, enjoying the small tugs when he threaded his hands through his hair. He then washed the shampoo and picked up the conditioner, doing the same as before. Once finished rinsing the conditioner out, he grabbed his generic loofah and squirted some body wash onto it and began scrubbing at his body, but came to an abrupt stop when he reached his groin. Keith thought about doing it, right then and there, but decided against it and doing it some other time, continuing to wash his body.

After Keith finished rinsing his body, he reached down and turned the knobs once more, turning the shower off and pulling the curtain ajar. He stepped out and reached for his towel on the counter. Once having it in his hands, he began to vigorously dry his hair. He then moved to dry the rest of his soaked body, scrubbing at it gently. He then threw the now wet towel into the clothes bin and made his way out of the bathroom.

Keith furrowed his brows as he opened his drawer and pulled out some boxer briefs and slipped them on, fitting the curve of his butt and clad around his groin perfectly. He picked up the familiar black shirt and threw it on over his torso, and then slipped on some regular jeans. He pulled on some black socks and then tugged his old and worn converse on.

Keith finally left his apartment room and hurried down the two flights of stairs, absentmindedly counting the stairs as he went. He hurried to his car in the small parking lot and unlocked it, sliding into the driver's seat and turning the ignition on and backing up, then speeding to his work.

Keith's eyes widened slightly as he remembered Lance would be coming in for his daily Vanilla Chai Tea- Keith had gotten Lance into them, and he was practically addicted -and he took a deep breath. But why would Lance even come in? His only motivation was the Chai Tea and Keith, and that's it. Keith prayed Lance wouldn't come in today, though he knew and felt deep down, he yearned to see Lance; to see his beautiful smile, to hear is obnoxious and annoying laugh, to see his ocean eyes, to inhale the lavender and spearmint scent that Keith enjoyed so much.

Keith cringed at himself and how cheesy he was being; it was obvious Lance didn't retort any of his feelings whatsoever and it seemed as if he actually disliked Keith now, despite being friends for two years. Keith felt the sadness creep up again, and he quickly tried to shove it down, not wanting to deal with it, especially before work.

Keith let out a shaky sigh and pulled up behind the idle coffee shop, 3 other cars parked in the back, too. He inhaled deeply and attempted to steady himself as he turned the key and slipped out of his small red car, locking it behind him. He started up to the back door and opened it, finding 4 other coworkers inside. He greeted in a gruff, reserved voice and punched himself in like every other day, hanging his jacket on the wall in the lounge room with his keys and phone with a sigh.

As Keith set up for the boring work day, he murmured to himself;

"This is going to be a very, very long day."

\---

_-noon-_

 

Meanwhile, Lance sat in his house, head in his hands and sitting in his kitchen. He rubbed his temples and groaned; so many thoughts flew through his head, and he had no idea how to comprehend with them.

He needed to talk to Hunk and Pidge, but did he want to? Hell no. He huffed out a sigh and shook his head; of course he wouldn't act like this in front of anybody else, but right now he was alone and he needed a break.

Lance sat up and stood from his seat, placing his hands in the table and staring at it.

"My friend is gay and is in love with me. What the fuck," he murmured and grunted. If this was a girl, he'd be more than thrilled but right now, Keith was very much so a guy. He didn't know what to do with all this conflict in his mind.

Sure, Keith was a friend but... Having Keith in love with him? And even the possibility of loving Keith back, it just- rubbed Lance in a way, and not a good one. He wanted to understand, but at the same time, he was a little grossed out at all this.

Lance stood straight and pushed his chair in, going to lay in bed and think about his internalized homophobia like the arrogant douche he can be.


End file.
